On May 12th I graduated from University. This time in my life is a happy one, one full of wonderful changes and a wide open future that I can shape as I wish. That should all be inspiring and fill me with hope, and as much as it does, it is also quite daunting.
Now, rather than having any structure to my days, having a never-ending to-do list of assignments, readings, papers and projects, I have endlessly open and empty days to fill. At first this seems like a dream come true, and in many ways it is lovely, but at the same time, I crave a bit of structure, crave a bit of routine, and crave feeling useful and fulfilled.
I realize all of these cravings can be fulfilled, but also must admit it is quite a hard puzzle to crack. With our small wedding being only five days away I have been able to fill my mind and hands with preparing for Sunday, but what happens when the dust settles, when I am left alone at home, waiting for baby to arrive and with months full of unstructured days staring me down?
I don't think I will solve this puzzle in a week, a month, or even a longer stretch of time, but I do think it is possible to find a new routine which can provide the fulfillment, joy, and routine I am craving.
This process will take time and energy and an ability for me to face down my own insecurities, doubts and feelings of not being good enough, the ability to face them head on, being willing to fail and finding motivation enough to keep on going even when things do not go as planned, for as we all know they so often do not.
Thankfully I have the finest fella to stand by my side and help me along this new journey. We are heading into uncharted territory hand in hand, becoming parents, a one-income family, and ever-closer friends as we go. When I am feeling down or unable to find what I am looking for he helps to shed some much needed light onto the situation and into my soul. For him, I am thankful, and while I know this post-graduation journey has a lot in store for me, I know I can handle it with him by my side.