Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Hold on to Each Other
Life is crazy in the sense that you never know what will happen. No matter how hard we try or how determined we may be there is no predicting the future and no controlling it. We can try with all of our might, yet, in the big scheme of things, so many things are beyond our control. One thing I am thankful for is that once we are adults, we have the ability to choose who we spend our time with. If a person does nothing but bring us down we can choose to stop spending time with them. If a certain family member doesn't treat you with respect, value your choices, or are totally off their rocker, you can choose to minimize time spent with them. The lovely flip-side to all of that is that when a person brings you up, makes you feel more alive, and accepts you for who you are, well you can choose to spend just as much time with them as you can handle.
I feel very lucky in my life to have found a few of those people who make me feel more alive. While my group of friends may be small, I feel like they are actually true friends who love me for all that I am and with all of my flaws. Sure, it would be lovely to have a large tribe of friends who would bring me up when I am down, who would be there to celebrate everyday life, and who would stick it out through thick and then, but the reality is my group is small, small but wonderful, and I wouldn't want to know life without them.
Also, more than anything, I feel so lucky to have found my full-time partner-in-crime when I found my E. He came along, looked past all of my faults and rubbed away the grime to reveal what's hiding underneath my anxieties and insecurities, and even then, he chose to love me. Even on the days I cannot stand to be around myself, he is there with open arms, loving me with all he has and for everything I am. Growing up I felt as if my faults made me unloveable, like nobody could truly love me with all of my history, my anxieties, my variations in moods, but E came along and loved me despite all those things and maybe even a little more for them. When my old insecurities come out to play and I feel at fault for everything that has or will ever go wrong, he stops me and makes me say "it's not my fault" even if it is through tears and without a lot of heart the first couple of times it is uttered. He makes me a better me, and while I used to think I would be better off alone, now I would never want to be, for I am truly better with him by my side.
So, we hold each other close. We let each other know how much we care, whether that's through a hug, a text message just to say I love you, or sleeping with the tips of our toes folded over each others. Who else would want to bypass an early supper in exchange for snow cones, brave the storms and continue to camp even when we find our tent in the middle of a sudden lake, make predictions and laugh with me during an episode of the bachelorette? And who else would respond with a "when" and a "where" rather than a "why" or "what for" when I mention my desire for a date to the riverside for collecting driftwood? Maybe others would, but not in a way that makes my heart tingle or my face flush with love each and every time I know we are about to be reunited. So, we hold each other close, for even if we lost every material thing and had nothing but the shoes on our feet, we would be okay, because we'd have each other. And me? I'd be especially lucky, for I am usually barefoot, and with nothing to our names he would want nothing more than for me to have his shoes.