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Monday, August 20, 2012

Family Ties

Little Baby Toes

Come Saturday afternoon I was back home with my love and very glad to be here, yet my heart was aching for what I left behind, and it still is. Last night my sister's father in law posted photos of her on Facebook and while I was so happy to see them my eyes instantly welled up as my heart and mind tried to make sense of this distance. I feel so lucky to be able to see my sister and her family often despite the miles that separate us, but I am aching for more. With her brood being a four hour drive in one direction and my brother's being two hours in an opposite one, well, it is a very rare thing that we all find ourselves together and when we do it is never for long.

I think that distance has been the hardest part for me about this entire pregnancy. Sure, there are physical aches and pains, but the aching I feel for my family is so much stronger and so much more painful. I ache for a midweek drop-in to give my nieces a snuggle or to join my sister for an hour of walking and talking. I ache for being able to go watch a little league game when my nephew is involved in one of his activities or to swing by and pick him up for an afternoon at the park. I ache for us all to gather around a picnic table while the kids play in the park and we talk about nothing much at all. More than anything, now that my own little gal is on the way, I want those things and knowing that once she is born my family will not be around is the very hardest thing. 

That aching is one I cannot soothe very easily. I try to push it away and focus on the positive, on the extended family I will create for her through my close friends and by knowing that one day my sister will return and my brother is not quite as far away, but my focus can get rather blurry when I'm trying to do so through tears. Luckily at least some of those tears are ones of joy at having them at all.

Sara

8 comments:

  1. I know how you feel. My whole family is in California and I'm in Florida. I miss the little things so much.

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  2. All my grandparents and uncles live in Australia, so I haven't seen some of them for years!! It is hard and totally feel for you :)

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  3. I can imagine that is hard. I spent most of my childhood in foreign countries away from my grandparents and uncles and aunts etc. I think it must have been harder for my parents than for me, but I think I turned out well in the end ;) The thing with kids is that whatever context you put them in, that context will become 'normal' (like monkeys in my backyard was normal to me). I am sure you will surround your kid(s) with all the love they need. They will be fine, you will too ;)

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  4. Once I get a job in the school system you can get lots of summer time with Ty and Nugget can get lots of time with her Uncle Ricky. Love you guys! :)

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  5. Yes! I can't wait for you both to be teaching and to have your summers free. :) Love you too!

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  6. Thank you. I know everyone will be okay, but it's tough. And I think you're right about it being harder on the parents (hence my problem :) ). The kids won't really know the difference and it will be their normal, but it's so hard to have your own siblings spread about.

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  7. Isn't it a challenge? Thanks for the love Bea.

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  8. That's what is hardest, the little things. I feel lucky they are close enough to at least share some, but I miss the day-to-day happenings we could have if we were in the same town. Lots of love to you for having to endure the distance.

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