A place where part of my heart will always reside.
So often lately I open a page to write and find myself without anything to put down. That's not entirely true as there is so much always happening in my mind, but lately I have been pushing it back rather than letting it make it's journey through my fingers and onto the page. So many thoughts on life, on becoming a parent, on what the future may hold, and about how I feel on this very day. Instead, I knit. Around eight days ago I started a blanket and it should be finished by the end of tomorrow. While those stitches will one day keep my baby warm, right now they are serving the purpose of providing a much needed distraction for her mother, but since I am about ready to bind off and sew in the loose strands I am going to have to find another distraction or go ahead and dig in to what is happening in my upper atmosphere.
I have found this summer to be a bit of a challenge. While I looked forward to being pregnant in the summer and am still happy it turned out that way, this one has been trying. I do my best writing when I can sit outside with nothing but a notebook, pen, and jug of water. With the fresh air, a bit of sun, and an occasional breeze I am able to tap into a different part of myself, yet this summer has brought abnormal weather and left me spending more time inside where the air is cooler and the light a bit less harsh. With 100 plus degree days for weeks at a time I was thrown a curve ball I hadn't expected and while I have not been one to complain about this weather, it sure has done a number on me.
With all of that being said, I am determined to find a way around this. Early mornings and late nights allow for a bit of relief from the heat of the day and I will try harder to find the motivation to get out into them. Days stuck inside painted walls can be nice now and then, but I thrive off of nature, off hearing bugs and birds rather than the buzz of air-conditioning, off grass beneath my toes rather than varnished hardwood. I need to make it more of a priority to spend my time in a way that makes me feel whole, and while creative projects play a large role in that fulfillment, I will never be complete without time spent outdoors where I can feel totally free, if only for small moments.