Deciding to become a parent was easy for me as I always knew I wanted to be a mother. The only questions in my mind were: Would my body allow me to become pregnant? Who would I be creating these children with? Luckily, nearly five years ago I met the man that would be my answer to that second question. E came along and right away I knew we were a wonderful match and also knew I could see myself having a family with him. His compassion and sensitivity are nearly equal to my own and his even-temper and relaxed attitude inspire me constantly. Luckily, through working on my health and focusing on preparing my body, I was able to become pregnant pretty quickly, and at that point had both of my questions answered, we would now become a family.
What I couldn't anticipate was how E would awe me as a father. Prior to her arrival, E worked tirelessly preparing our girl's room, worked hard each day of the week to pay the bills, and helped care for our home, furry crew, and his pregnant love in a huge way. He would bring me cups of tiny cubed ice from quik trip, prepare meals for us between working on a project and doing loads of laundry, and still find time to spend one-on-one with me, talking, playing games, and just being close. He attended birth classes with interest and helped to prepare for our home birth and I's arrival in every way he could manage. Throughout labor and her birth he was constantly by my side, helping me along with his words of love and encouragement and nurturing me with drinks, snacks, and touch when I would allow for it. But, when I really saw the father he would become is the moment she was placed into his arms for the first time.
E somehow held it together as our girl was born, as I shed tears, laughed, rambled, and was in a state of disbelief. He looked on with such love and support, but after her cord was cut and I was needing to get up for a moment I placed her in his arms for the first time and saw his eyes fill with such raw love and emotion for his tiny daughter. She was immediately comforted by his warm embrace and seemed right at home in his arms while he seemed right at home having her there. From that point forward he has continually impressed me with his dedication to her and I. There is never guilt or pointing fingers in our home, but a constant stream of support and love in both directions, much of what I owe to E and what he has taught me. He brushes away my feelings of guilt for him having to prepare meals, do laundry, and settle into this new role while still going to work each day. Rather than allowing me to feel that guilt he reminds me that I am working hard too by taking care of our daughter with constant feedings and attention. If I need to cry he allows me that time without pressuring me to give an answer of what's wrong or making me feel crazy. And when I see him holding our baby close? My heart swells and my chest relaxes as I know she is right at home in his arms, as it should be.
I look forward to seeing them grow together, watching him teach her how to use tools and do laundry, watching them play together, hearing her call him Dad or Papa or whatever title they land on. Growing up I did not have a normal father-daughter relationship and while I love my father for who he was and what he gave to me, he did not have a daily presence in my life and I was never really certain what having a "normal" father was like. I look forward to learning that from E and from watching him and our daughter together. I have no doubts that he will blow my mind and continue to inspire me as we take this journey together. I is so lucky to have him as a dad and I as my partner-in-crime. I will do my best to assure we never take him for granted.