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Monday, October 8, 2012

Giving Myself Time


The past two days have left me feeling a bit overwhelmed and emotional. My roller-coaster had stalled for a bit as we began to find our rhythm, my hormones had some time to gather their heads, and I had gotten used to E being back to work, yet Iz has begun having little spells each day where she is inconsolable and being her mama, well, that has been rough for me. Wanting to comfort her and give her what she needs but not being able to find that magic key is rough, so very rough, so I hold her, rock her, nurse her, bounce her, walk around the house with her and when E is home we take turns doing such. There is nothing I would not do for this sweet little human and I only hope that with time we will continue to learn each others cues. But for now? For now I will give myself time. Rather than putting unrealized pressure on myself to be and do everything I will just focus solely on being Iz's mama, doing what it takes to care for her and myself during the day and not worrying if nothing is completed beyond that. So, today, rather than hoping for a few minutes to pick up the house or pre-make supper, I cuddled her close and read aloud to us between nursing sessions and bouts of minor freak-outs. Focusing on snuggling her close and taking in her squishy little face pressed against my body, I was able to let go of the stresses and pressures I so often place upon myself and just enjoy every little inch of her beauty and love. For now I will look at this as my own maternity leave of sorts and if three months pass and I find myself needing a little kick in the butt, only then will I put on my biggest boots and give that rump a good whack, but for now, for now I'm just Iz's mama, and that is more than enough. 

Sara

13 comments:

  1. One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a mama is to let go, release and surrender. You are doing exactly what your little one needs right now, and that is enough.

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  2. You're doing everything you can. Izzy comes first right now. You've got this!

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  3. I feel the same, probably not quite as overwhelmed yet... but we watched a video in one of our childbirth classes that talked about the 5 S's and you should check it out. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2130576/How-5-Ss-stop-newborn-crying.html
    It's amazing and has really worked for us, especially during an inconsolable bout. You are doing so great and the only thing we can do as a mama is our best, and perfection is not a prerequisite of mommy-hood. Keep on girl, you are doing so so great!

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  4. You're doing a wonderful job! It's so hard when they are tiny and they can't tell you what they want. It does get easier! They get better at communicating and you will learn to read her cues when she starts having a more predictable routine. Sometimes babies just cry for no reason and all you can do is hold them. I was told by a lovely midwife that even if they don't stop crying, holding them and being there for them is the best thing to do.

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  5. It can be very stressful as a new mama, but you will get to know Izzy very well soon. And remember, she's learning just as much - if not, more than you right now. You girls will find your right rhythm together. Be prepared to face a somewhat stressful few months, unless you're one of the lucky ones. Letting go of the stresses after knowing that she's well-fed, changed, etc. is key for your own sanity. Sometimes babies just cry because that's what they do. I was "blessed" with two criers and we're making through but even now it takes a lot out of me sometimes. Still - like you - it's about enjoying the moments for me. You're doing great!

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  6. Oh, man! It gets easier, I promise!


    My first guy was super fussy like that, and also very alert and strong. I think they have similar personalities maybe. Hang in there, find time for yourself, and don't feel bad. You are doing great!


    P.s.- love that little Pecker-Chicken nickname you have given Izzy!

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  7. Good job being able to let go of those things and give yourself a break! So important. I know the feeling - so pressured to not only be a new mom but also to keep the house clean, laundry done, and work on job stuff. It's hard to allow myself to let those things go and just enjoy being with the new babe.

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  8. I keep reminding myself of that "It gets easier" bit. I know I'll miss these days when they are gone, but ohhh buddy are some of them a bit rough. Love-filled and amazing in a number of other ways, but still, very very rough. It does sound like your first guy and Izzy might be a lot alike. She's definitely alert and strong! :)

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  9. Thank you so much for the reassurance/advice. She is a rather easy baby overall, but gets these fussy periods here and there when her gas is giving her a lot of trouble. We'll work through it though, day by day.

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  10. Thanks for the reminder. We're having another rough day today, but I know we'll get through it and one day I will hardly remember the tough times.

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  11. It is hard that they can't tell us what they need, isn't it? I know I'll figure it out more in time, but I just wish when she was having her rough gassy spells that I could do more for her, but I do what I can and know that is enough. It's just hard not being able to heal all and make her feel better. That midwife is wise. I keep that advice in mind when things are rough, knowing that holding her close and being there for her is so important even if it doesn't completely calm her down.

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  12. Thanks for the video. She does like swaddling and swaying, but when her gas is really giving her trouble it seems almost nothing works. We'll keep trying and figuring it out though. And thank you for the boost of reassurance and support. I think these first couple of months are going to have quite a few rough spells mixed in with the love fests, but I know it's to be expected.

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