The past two days have left me feeling a bit overwhelmed and emotional. My roller-coaster had stalled for a bit as we began to find our rhythm, my hormones had some time to gather their heads, and I had gotten used to E being back to work, yet Iz has begun having little spells each day where she is inconsolable and being her mama, well, that has been rough for me. Wanting to comfort her and give her what she needs but not being able to find that magic key is rough, so very rough, so I hold her, rock her, nurse her, bounce her, walk around the house with her and when E is home we take turns doing such. There is nothing I would not do for this sweet little human and I only hope that with time we will continue to learn each others cues. But for now? For now I will give myself time. Rather than putting unrealized pressure on myself to be and do everything I will just focus solely on being Iz's mama, doing what it takes to care for her and myself during the day and not worrying if nothing is completed beyond that. So, today, rather than hoping for a few minutes to pick up the house or pre-make supper, I cuddled her close and read aloud to us between nursing sessions and bouts of minor freak-outs. Focusing on snuggling her close and taking in her squishy little face pressed against my body, I was able to let go of the stresses and pressures I so often place upon myself and just enjoy every little inch of her beauty and love. For now I will look at this as my own maternity leave of sorts and if three months pass and I find myself needing a little kick in the butt, only then will I put on my biggest boots and give that rump a good whack, but for now, for now I'm just Iz's mama, and that is more than enough.