Just a few days before Izzy's arrival.
In yesterday's letter to I I touched on how she is doing, but how is the lady who pushed her hefty hiney into the world? To answer that, for being just eight days out from the big event, I think I am doing pretty well. While I only tore some surface tid bits (use your imagination) I didn't have any stitches at all and for that I am thankful. That entire area is still a bit tender but getting better every day and I don't anticipate the discomfort lasting all that long. I'm eager to get out and walking, but will ease into that slowly and give my body the time it needs even if it's hard to hold off.
Otherwise, the first three or four days post-birth my entire body felt like I had been to a devil of a personal trainer who was out to make every muscle scream. My entire upper body was so sore that I could barely lift my heavy mason jar water jug with one hand and my legs were feeling awfully noodley. Thankfully that has all passed and although standing from certain positions can still be a bit tricky due to the aforementioned tender bits, my body has bounced back with relative ease. One area you can imagine hasn't quite bounced back is the belly, but I am actually really surprised by it. I have heard so much talk of having a jelly belly or still looking pretty pregnant post-birth, but I don't think mine is all that bad. Definitely looser and certainly more scar-covered (stretch-mark city) but I think with healthy eating, lots of water, and exercise when I am able I will be able to shape up that area too. Plus, I was working on getting in better shape prior to becoming pregnant so I'll be anxious to get back to that and to making myself even stronger and more physically fit than before. After giving birth to my girl I feel like I can handle so many physical challenges that I would let get me down before. I know I will not give up so easily in the future when it comes to challenging my body and my mind and I am thankful that labor and birth were such powerful things for me and were healing and restorative in so many ways that I needed.
Other physical things to note: The boobs are large and in charge and making milk like champs. My skin is so much clearer now and that is a blessing all it's own. I had horrible skin while pregnant, so it's amazing to see it clear up so quickly now that she's here.
But now, on to the emotions. Whoooa buddy am I an ever emotional lady. My blood is of a variety that already lends itself to being super emotional, just ask my brother who has been known to cry at a Hallmark comercial or two in his time, but boy oh boy are the emotions on overdrive now. From being overly tired, hormonally rollercoastering, and handling all of the challenges that come with being a new mom, E going back to work, taking care of a baby and four critters, and just trying to figure it all out, well, there are some tears that come with all of that. Most of the time all is well and I chug along through the day like a champ, changing diapers, slinging milk, and soaking up every inch of my little love, but when E walks in the door and the night starts setting in it gets a bit trickier. By then my energy stores have dwindled, my belly is most likely growling and I am just so glad to see my husband that it all comes flowing out. I don't feel depressed, just exhausted and teary and I know this is normal and should also balance out like everything else.
All in all I feel like I'm doing pretty well for where we are at and have to remind myself it has only been a week. I am trying to focus on the little victories and to remember that this time will pass so quickly and soon be a distant memory. I try to remind myself to hold my girl close, enjoy these precious moments, and let the not-so-pleasant ones roll away. Just today I successfully drove our girl to her doctor's appointment all on my own and we made it safe and sound and without much stress along the way. That small step is the first of many that will get us out and about exploring the world together, helping me to find my new normal.
Happy to be a mama and emotional as can be.