Bugs and I have been holding down the fort and having small bouts of tears here and there since E left for California for work - me because I miss him terribly and her because...well, you know she's a baby, right? We knew this time was coming, but I chose not to think too much about it because when I did I would crumble, unable to grasp how I would survive the responsibilities that come along with caring for three wild dogs, a cat, a baby and myself without my partner-in-crime. A few days before he had to leave I remember saying, "I just need to stop thinking about it because when the time comes I know I will just have to get through it and being sad about it now isn't going to help matters" and that is just what I did and what I am doing and in 21 hours we will all be reunited at the airport. E has to travel now and then for work training or to handle fancy out-of-town accounts, but while I missed him like crazy in the past, it was different. I would plan extra fun with friends and partake in a little extra knitting, reading, or ice cream eating and before I knew it he would be back in my arms. This time is different though, so very different, I miss him in a way that I can barely handle and I think that comes with being a family, it just feels so wrong for us to not be together and to be able to reconnect as a family every night. The laundry I can handle, the dog wrangling and baby caring I can handle, the not eating home-cooked meals every night I can handle, but the knot that has formed in my chest I could do without and I am really looking forward to it unfurling by this time tomorrow.
We have been having fun though, me and the Bug, doing our normal thing and spending a bit of time with my own Mama today. She went along with us while I had to renew my license, followed by swinging by a consignment store where I picked up a few items for my daughter - still love saying that word. After that we started heading toward my home and Iz fell asleep, so I asked my Mom if she was okay with joining me for a drive and brought her to my favorite park in town and then continued driving along while we talked and caught up and enjoyed the drive. We used to drive often as a way to get out of our tense home and see the countryside and it was kind of nice to do that again, but this time with different views, me behind the wheel and with my own daughter along for the ride. Our return to my home was complete with a well-rested girl and with Thai takeout to fill our bellies, so, while I have been missing the other half of my heart, today was a good day. Still, I am really looking forward to tomorrow.