sneaking in stitches / best dad / scattered flurries / a favorite toy shaped as our beautiful state
There are many things on my mind, like that time I found what I thought was a worm in Iz's diaper but it was really just a thread and E had the pleasure of confirming this for me when he came home, but also more serious things as well. Sometimes I wish I could stop all the thinking I have always done and just not care so much, but I just can't because I am a thinker by nature and although it can sometimes complicate things by having to once again go against the grain, it at least makes me feel like I am being true to myself and doing what I believe is best for my family. But, sometimes I do still wish!
Things are going okay, but pretty silly around here. I am not so obsessed with sleep and fully anticipated just letting our baby sleep on the go, in the wrap, in our arms and so on, but this little lady has such different ideas - seems she is quite the thinker too - and though she gives very obvious signs of being tired, she is the trickiest puzzle to figure out when it comes to getting her the sleep she so desperately needs. Add in a dog that always seems to begin her bark fits once I finally help ease those sweet little eyes shut and it keeps things especially wild. She is still napping on me while nursing as it is the only thing that will keep her asleep for more than five minutes at a time. This can be rough physically as she also has changed up her night time routine and made things a bit more interesting, but I think it is the psychological part that is harder. What I mean is the trying to make time to see people and not being able to really explain in a way they understand that I am unable to have the spontaneity I once had when it comes to getting together. The explaining that no, once she is asleep we can not lay her in her bed or on the couch or in the swing and carry on, not if we actually want her to stay asleep. The feeling judged like people think it's your parenting rather than her personality which is laughable to anyone else who has had a more particular and spirited sort of baby. I really do get it though, for if I had an "easy" baby or was not yet a parent I might think the same thing. I don't mean any of this to complain though, just to get it out. If I knew that she was going to be this strong-minded I wouldn't have changed a thing. If I knew she was going to be twice this strong-minded I still wouldn't. As I sing to her daily, "You are my sunshine, you are my rainbow, you are my lollipop!" and it's so very true, she is all things wonderful and I love every silly, strong, sweet, and adorable little ounce of her. I love how she looks to me with her sweet little smile so many times a day. I love how she reaches out for her favorite dog Jasper with the biggest grin on her face. I love the way she strokes my face while she nurses in my lap and gazes into my eyes. I love seeing the delight on her face when her Dad flies her around above his head. She is incredible, in each and every way.
If it helps to show my love for her any more, we are already thinking ahead to when we will try for another and while we do hope our next will roll with the flow a bit more easily, if they are just as spirited as Iz Bug we will have our hands full, but our hearts will be very full as well and that's a wonderful thing. Don't get any crazy ideas though, this next one won't be coming for a good long while as it is my requirement that my sister is settled into town before the next time. I am desperate for her support and companionship as I travel this curvy path of motherhood and while I could really use it this time I will relish in it the next time around, and that is a large reason why we stay. Despite the temperatures that are colder than I prefer, the lack of oceans, enormous lakes or mountains, we stay for the hope and the love, which isn't to say we would never leave, but most likely not and certainly not any time soon.