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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Slice of Life: Take 8




Pretty Birthday Flowers / I Love Their Love / Plentiful Dreams / My Sweetest Little Goober

These pictures are from late February, but that is the pace of things these days and I don't mind it one bit. Life is good. No, not everything is perfect by societal standards and I don't expect that it ever will be, but we are happy, we are healthy, we are strong. Yesterday I had an ache in my stomach from concern over someone I love and although I can often be silly and an over-worrier, it also helped me to stop and once again realize what is most important to me and that would be the people (and animals of course) that I hold most dear to my heart. Without my own small family, my mother, my brother and my sister I would be unable to breathe. Our father was lost way too early and even before then was not present fully and in a way we would have all benefited from, but even now I feel a bit of emptiness every day where he should be and I fear that will never change. Most days I choose to fill it with a happy memory or see it as an opportunity for challenging myself to grow even further, but other days I still find myself inconsolable and in a heap of tears.

The night we said goodbye we all retreated to my mothers house and with E and I arriving before the others I took my little pocket recorder and held it up to my phone to record the last message I ever received from him. "Hello my youngest daughter...", I still have it today. It is static-filled and a bit broken from it's transfer from one device to the next, but on that little recorder it remains. Probably two years have passed since I could bring myself to listen and with the cemetery being around a two hour drive from my home I have not visited his grave since that awful day a few Octobers ago, but I think the time is coming when I will have to dive deeper, when I will allow myself to listen to his voice or bring my car down that small gravely road to face my pain and my loss, for even though the weather would have us think differently, it is Spring, a time for renewal and growth.

I hope this first day of Spring finds you well.

Sara

6 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry about your father. I'm sure it's absolutely heart wrenching but it sounds like you are working through it to a healthy place. Happy spring to your sweet family.

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  2. This post sent shivers down my spine. I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain is still brings. It sounds like you are in a place now to face the pain and the loss. Hugs to you as you journey this path.

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  3. Hugs! Whenever you're ready, you'll know it.

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  4. Some days I think I am and other days I just can't. I had more time while pregnant, but didn't think I could handle the intense grieving. The day will come I am sure, but mostly it happens bit by bit. Thank you for your support friend..and for the wonderful postcard from your travels.

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  5. Yes, it is most definitely takes time to get to a healthy place, but the work is worth it in the end. Thank you for your kind words and happy spring to you as well. Hopefully the weather will catch up with the seasons here soon.

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