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Monday, June 17, 2013

Whew...

Oh friends. Oh me oh my. I don't know if anyone is still checking in here, but if so, hello. I have so much to say and so much going on in my mind and life, yet not much time to get it out of my head. I want to try to do so more often though as I find it to be a helpful addition to my days and also love the community it builds as well as giving me the ability to look back on moments, memories, and thoughts I may otherwise not capture.

Lately though, I have been focused on me. After months of relative new-baby normalcy, with it's own bumps and curves, but nothing too dramatic, I was left spinning the past couple of weeks. I was suddenly run over by the strongest and most debilitating anxiety I have ever faced and was left barely able to function. Tearing up constantly, laying in bed for over 5 hours with no sleep coming my way, feeling so distant from all, afraid of every single car or person that passed me by. While I am still recovering from this and working to get to a better place, I feel a bit more capable and feel I am on the right track to continuing on to becoming more joyful again. A combination of lots of talking and opening up to those I love, some vitamins, lots of affirmations/thinking/reassurance, calcium-magnesium to help my body rest, good nutrition, lavender essential oil spray, an occasional dose of homeopathic chamomile and as much exercise and rest as I can squeeze in...these are things that have been helping. If you have any other advice I am open to any and all, so long as they are breastfeeding compatible. I did buy a bottle of motherwort but one of our midwives said it can be addictive to some, so I am steering clear for now as that's not a road I want to travel if not totally necessary.

Otherwise things are going okay. We have been talking more and more about our plans on moving closer to where E works and where we spend almost all of our out-of-house time and are making a plan of attack. While this won't happen in the next few months or anything, knowing we are moving in the right direction and knowing we will one day in the distant (but not TOO distant) future we will have more minutes in each day to spend as a family and so much less time in the car, is wonderful. We took a really long walk around one of the areas we love on Father's Day and I could really envision us building our lives there and how big of an impact it would have on our lives. We have to get through the tough stuff to get to that point, but we are in this together and are determined to make it happen.

Okay, just a little random check-in. I hope everyone is enjoying the soon-to-be summer weather and as much family time as you can.

Sara

12 comments:

  1. Kim Corrigan-OliverJune 18, 2013 at 6:21 AM

    So happy to see you back in your space, you have been in my thoughts. Hugs xoxo

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  2. So good to hear from you! Hope you continue to feel better, sending lots of good thoughts your way!

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  3. I feel for you. Coconut oil massages work for me when I'm dealing with anxiety and insomnia. I'm glad you're feeling better and taking time for yourself!

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  4. Sorry to hear about your anxiety. That sounds pretty awful. Sometimes chemical imbalances are to blame, but of course hormones rushing through a breastfeeding mom are still pretty crazy. Hopefully you are able to continue on the path to resuming normal life. :) Glad to see a post from you!

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  5. Sounds like a very challenging brush with anxiety. Do you think it has to do with baby/ breastfeeding hormones at all? I'm so glad that you're feeling better and have lots of natural aids to get you back on track.

    Hugs, Lilly

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  6. Thank you Kim, now and always. <3

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  7. Thanks so much Liz. This is a hard nut to crack, but I'm going to keep hammering away at it every single day! :)

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  8. Thank you Michelle. I've found a few things that seem to be helping, but am always up for trying more. Time for myself is hard to come by, but I take it when I can. :)

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  9. Oh friend it is TERRIBLE. A couple days were completely unbearable, but I am continually working on it and things have improved so much already.


    Hopefully I will have a chance to write here a bit more frequently soon, but I am so thankful for the support the rare times I am able to check in lately, it means so much.

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  10. Oh my, it's the worst brush of my life and it's still lingering. I am working at it harder than ever though and changing so many things in my life to try to help, which is working, but of course not as immediately as one would wish for. I do think hormones are playing into things a bit. I've heard from many that ppd or ppa can pop up for some around 9 months and that's the point we are at. Also, the few weeks before it hit me hard Izzy was nursing really irregularly due to congestion so I'm sure that irregularity in her nursing may have messed with my hormones and gotten them off kilter. If that's the case she's never allowed to wean, I can't even imagine! Thanks for the support, it helps to know there are other Mama's out there who are "listening".

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  11. Hi friend! I have been a bad commenter and blog reader lately but I wanted to pop in to say hello! With Sky, i didn't fully grasp that I had PPD/PPA until nearly a year after I had him. I was getting acupuncture and some other non-invasive things but it ended up getting better (sort of i guess) on it's own. This time around, I was very resistant to it....but I agreed to try a very low dose of medication with Ben. I started it a few weeks after I had him and although a very small percentage can get into your milk supply (5% i think), for me it was more beneficial to be a healthier happier mama to my kids. So far this time, I feel A LOT better although the anxiety hasn't gone away completely. I hope things turn around for you and don't be afraid to visit your midwife and ask for help! Kids are HARD. Lots of hugs! xo!

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  12. Hello! I think it can take time for us to really realize what's going on, and even then it's so hard to discern what it hormonal, what it due to lack of sleep and what is really ppd/ppa. I did get to the point where I knew there was something serious going on and as this post reflected, it was pretty bad. I contacted my midwives immediately as well as others I thought could help as well as admitting what I was feeling to E and my sister and having their support. Luckily things are much much better right now and I am working each and every day to keep it that way and to improve even more. Those days were so dark and scary so I for sure don't want to revisit them again. Thank you for sharing your own story. I'm glad you got the help you needed to live the best life you can with your kids. I am resistant to medicine as well, but still did my research and had what I would be most comfortable taking picked out just in case, so I totally understand doing what you need to do! :)Thanks for your support and comment, it really helps to connect with others who have been there.

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