Looking ahead to the forecast for last weekend I asked E if he wanted to go an a hike on Saturday and of course he said yes, being the first weekend we haven't had a birthday party in over a month we took full advantage of getting out into nature for a bit and it was a wonderful decision. On the way there Iz had a much needed nap and I had a good cry/breakdown that was also much needed and the hike, fresh air, beautiful views, working muscles, they were all exactly what I needed to rebalance.
There is a bit of a learning curve after becoming a mother but lately there is even more of a learning curve as I dive more deeply into living the life I've imagined. Some from-scratch meals may turn out lousy but I will keep trying and keep adding drops of knowledge into my bucket for later use. Sometimes going through the boxes and boxes of stuff to finally be rid of it may be exhausting and emotionally trying but worth it. It's all a bit much but important work. Lately we have been doing a lot of that work in order to simplify our lives. Upon moving in with E I brought along belongings from all the lives I had lived prior and had to store it away temporarily, never pairing down. Since that point my mom moved houses and more boxes of things wore stored away, then my uncle lost the farm and more boxes and barrels of my grandma's things were stored away, then my dad passed away and many more boxes and bags came. These boxes, bags and barrels have been mentally weighing on me for years now and with another boost aiming me toward the desire to simplify we finally dove in. So many loads have been recycled, so many loads have been dropped at Goodwill and there are many more bags of items to be dropped at an upcycling store in town. Each time a load leaves I feel lighter and more relieved and soon it will all be done. As this happens I finally feel like I can start moving forward and healing a bit more while also leaving room in my mind and life for seeing what comes next. We still have just a couple more boxes and bins to go through but we are nearing the next phase and that is such a relief.