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Friday, June 21, 2013

Craving

I'm thrilled that it's Friday, ecstatic at the thought of two full days as a family and having time with the man that I love. Things are changing for me lately, gradually but also ever so quickly. It's quiet work, the kind happening beneath the surface and not apparent to those around you, but the most important kind of work there may be. My approach to life and the way I spend my days is changing. I want less time plugged in and more time tuned in, freeing my mind of the clutter and giving it room to rest and breathe. I want more time with busy hands and free thoughts, more time connecting with the earth and less with a screen in my view. More projects in my hands with  more items of beauty and function created. I long for less fear and more connection, for honesty and community and vulnerability. I crave slowing down and snuggling up, but also bouts of vigorous walking and lungs full of fresh air and a body warmed by the sun. My heart craves simplicity and my mind a simplified home. Things are changing, of that I am sure.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Whew...

Oh friends. Oh me oh my. I don't know if anyone is still checking in here, but if so, hello. I have so much to say and so much going on in my mind and life, yet not much time to get it out of my head. I want to try to do so more often though as I find it to be a helpful addition to my days and also love the community it builds as well as giving me the ability to look back on moments, memories, and thoughts I may otherwise not capture.

Lately though, I have been focused on me. After months of relative new-baby normalcy, with it's own bumps and curves, but nothing too dramatic, I was left spinning the past couple of weeks. I was suddenly run over by the strongest and most debilitating anxiety I have ever faced and was left barely able to function. Tearing up constantly, laying in bed for over 5 hours with no sleep coming my way, feeling so distant from all, afraid of every single car or person that passed me by. While I am still recovering from this and working to get to a better place, I feel a bit more capable and feel I am on the right track to continuing on to becoming more joyful again. A combination of lots of talking and opening up to those I love, some vitamins, lots of affirmations/thinking/reassurance, calcium-magnesium to help my body rest, good nutrition, lavender essential oil spray, an occasional dose of homeopathic chamomile and as much exercise and rest as I can squeeze in...these are things that have been helping. If you have any other advice I am open to any and all, so long as they are breastfeeding compatible. I did buy a bottle of motherwort but one of our midwives said it can be addictive to some, so I am steering clear for now as that's not a road I want to travel if not totally necessary.

Otherwise things are going okay. We have been talking more and more about our plans on moving closer to where E works and where we spend almost all of our out-of-house time and are making a plan of attack. While this won't happen in the next few months or anything, knowing we are moving in the right direction and knowing we will one day in the distant (but not TOO distant) future we will have more minutes in each day to spend as a family and so much less time in the car, is wonderful. We took a really long walk around one of the areas we love on Father's Day and I could really envision us building our lives there and how big of an impact it would have on our lives. We have to get through the tough stuff to get to that point, but we are in this together and are determined to make it happen.

Okay, just a little random check-in. I hope everyone is enjoying the soon-to-be summer weather and as much family time as you can.

Sara

Monday, June 3, 2013

Gratitude

Today I am grateful for...

...a husband that got me out of the house and into the strawberry fields when it was very much needed.

...a daughter that fills my heart with love and challenges me to be a better version of myself each and every day.

...the ability to dream and hope.

...plants growing and growing and growing in our gardens.

...the chance to start on a new foot each day and try to make it a wonderful one.

...cloth diapers.

...safety from the storms.

...it only being one month out until my entire family is together.

...a smoother day than we've had in weeks.

What are you feeling grateful for during this first week of June (can you believe it?!)?

Sara