Opening this window seems appropriate at this time, just as Spring has greeted us and is promising open windows, removing straw from the berry patch, sweeping off the porches and making outside just as home as inside, at this time I feel the need to dust off the cobwebs from this online space and start writing again. Intentions to turn thoughts to paper rather than screen were well-intentioned but maybe a bit misguided as I didn't exactly make time for that either. My time has been full though and I have been happy, creating, dreaming, scheming, and spending a lot of time with those that I love. Sharing of the creating will happen in time as I gather the photographs of current projects. Going into my 29th year my mind was on making a goal for myself and I thought the goal of completing 29 projects sounded like a good one, which quickly turned into a project a week and so by the time my stream of thoughts had ended I had committed to completing 52 projects this year, as a way to reconnect to my creativity and to continue to feel more like myself while continuing to turn our house into the home I would like it to be while it is ours, I look forward to sharing.
Since my brother and sister have moved home last September not a week has gone by without seeing family at least once a week if not more and I can see in myself what an impact that has made. Today while I was sleeping I was reading through the posts I have left up in this space and read one that spoke on that very thing, on how life changing it would be if my sister moved home and here we are and it has changed my life, along with my brother and his family being here and the new nephew they have blessed us with as well. Finally we are together and between my family and E's family we are always seeing someone and I can see how much this means to my sweet daughter already as her cousins have quickly become best friends and she has connected with the important adults in our lives. It is the best, the very best, the stuff that I always wanted in regards to this area of our life is finally starting to happen and for that I am endlessly grateful.
As the weather is slowly turning we have been trying to spend a little time outside each day on the cold ones and any waking moments in the sun on the days that feel most like Spring. Our garden is being woken up and on Friday our driveway will be filled of nearly 7 cubic yards of mulch and compost for various projects in our yard and in the garden, so we will be busy beavers. As much as my family moving back has changed my life, so has my outlook on where we live. No, this is not where we would prefer to be or where we plan on staying, but some months ago I made a conscious decision to accept what is and to make it as beautiful and wonderful as we can, to enjoy it fully while we are here and to plan together for where we would like to go, to look at the positives and what we do have rather than being sad about what I would prefer to be different. Most of the time this goes well. It's hard in a number of ways, but I can't let that rule my days and take me down. Life is too wonderful for that and we are working to make it the best we can manage.
Our sweetie is growing and exploring and talking up a storm. She fills my life with so much joy and I feel like this second year of parenting has been so beneficial to me as a mother, so helpful in showing me I am capable and competent after a bear of a first year. Challenges are aplenty as I see is common amongst my mama friends as well, but it feels like the normal sort of challenging that is to be expected at this age rather than an all-encompassing struggle we experienced in our first year as three. There is no telling if all of this was connected with health issues or if things would have been the same regardless, but I can no longer beat myself up over the could-have-beens and I can try not to let the sadness creep in over the what-ifs. All we have is today and today I have the most incredible human in my life, someone so amazing that I tear up at the though that she is mine and I am hers and we will be that way forever.